This crazy, crazy, crazy Journey

I hope all this pain, all of this heartache is worth every bit of it. I know I have hurt and so has she. All I have left now are prayers. If she finds other people then I have no choice but to be happy for her. I can no longer go on alienating her. I can no longer go on with much else other than wishing her all the best and pray that God can make things right between us again, some way, some how. Not only did I lose someone I loved very much, I lost a very, very, very close friend of mine that understood me like no one ever has. A friend that was there during my lowest points and there to celebrate my highlights. I hope she does get around to reading all this. I am sorry for the dumbest of things. All this over 30 seconds of me being impatient. Thirty seconds has led me to some of the worst of pains. I can never wish this upon anyone, not even my worst enemies.

Please forgive me..

I hear apologies over the most minor of things. I guess it’s just human nature to constantly apologize. I think rather than constantly apologize there should be actiosn that dictate how sorry you truly are.

Many years back I learned from an elderly couple that the single most powerful words in their relationship was “I’m sorry”. To them these two words dictated the importance of forgiving the other person, not only because you love them but also because you realize that one day you’ll make a mistake too.  The elderly man even went into the story of the reason why they believe in the apology. It was back in the early 60’s during the Korean War. He was shipping off to war shortly after dating his future wife for nearly two years. He was gone for almost two years at war. She was lonely and only getting lonlier. He prayed every day for God to keep her safe and have God bring them back together. Sadly for him she was becoming the talk of the town because she was blossoming into a beautiful woman. Everyone was pressuring her, saying he wouldn’t be true. He’ll never come back home to her or he probably died during the war. She couldn’t help but eventually give in to all this negative talk about him. So she started to see other men and date around. Well, two years later he came home only to realize that the woman he loved and prayed for every day was no longer around for him. She kept telling him that she found someone new that he neglected her for two years. It didn’t matter how much he apologized or what he did to try to gain her love back, nothing seemed to work. As a matter of fact, the harder he tried, the more negative the comments got about him. He couldn’t move forward with his life. He was suicidal, he didnt’ buy the the whole pretend to give your heart to someone then take it back if things do not work out. She was going about her business when one day things got bad for her. She was seeing a man who did nothing but beat her. That very man propsed to her but when she told him that she wasn’t sure, he beat her so badly that the doctors told her that she would never be the same again.

This poor man. He loved a woman so much that he didn’t care. He ran to her side the first chance he got. For months he was by her side in any he could be. The people who were negative never once showed their face to her. They made every excuse they could find. It was his love and care that got her walking again, talking again, laughing again and just being happy with life. I wish the story ended right there. As soon as she got up again, she left him again; she kept telling him that the pain of the lonely nights is something she could never forget. She kept yelling about how hurt she was while he was at war. She kept telling him about how much of curse he placed upon her life, that’s why she had to endure all she went though

Understandably, this man began to hate this woman and her false accusations. He tried to avoid her and she did whatever she could to hurt him with words every chance she got. He tried so hard to start a new relationship, but it never worked out until one fateful day. Nearly five years later, she gets into another car accident. This time the doctors are certain that she will never walk again. He hears the news and rushes to see her the first chance he gets. It was in this fateful moment that she realized it was his love that constantly saved her. With his loving care, she became well again.

For months afterward, all she did was apologize to him. He didn’t care for her apologies. To him her apologies were not nearly as important as her being in his life. It was at that very time he realized that an apology means little without the right actions. She constantly cries over her behavior, but he wants her to never think about it again.

I would like to take this time to tell the world that I am the one who should be doing all the apologizing. I hurt Swati so much that she will never recover because of how I hurt her. She is trying to fill her life with material pleasures in an attempt to be happy again. When we first met, both of us experienced a level of happiness that only God would understand. I still care about her would like to ask her to please forgive me.  Swati, I hope you realize that when we were together, we experienced a level of happiness that no one else in world can ever give to us.

Please forgive me, I know not what I do

Please forgive me, I can’t stop loving you

Don’t deny me, this pain I’m going through

Please forgive me, I need you like I do.